In my last post, I explained why having a built-in playmate isn’t always the best thing for your twins. What, then, should parents do to help their twin children branch out socially? Here are the top tips:

1. Schedule Separate Play Dates

A parent of toddler-age twins will find it simply impossible to schedule separate play dates as she cannot leave a very young toddler alone at a friend’s house and can obviously not be in two places at once. But as the twin children age and their independence develops, it will become easier to leave a child with a non-parental adult.

I know it’s less convenient to have to drive one child somewhere and then drive another child somewhere else. But orchestrating separate play dates is imperative to allow your children to figure out how friendships outside of the twinship work. And where better to do this than on a separate one-on-one date with a non-sibling child? Perhaps you could find two friends who live relatively close to one another so you’re not spending the entire day in the car, or perhaps another relative could help out with the chauffeuring.

Another option is to spend some much-needed one-on-one time with one child while the other is at a play date. Next time around, switch which child goes with the friend and which child stays with you.

2. Be Direct with Other Parents to Ease any Social Awkwardness

A parent of a singleton child who has regular play dates with a set of twins told me that her child has a clear preference for one twin over the other, but she won’t request single play dates because she doesn’t want to offend the other twin or the parents.

You, as a parent of twins, however, can ease any perceived social awkwardness in this situation. You can open up the dialogue — obviously outside the earshot of your children — and allow the parent to be direct about her child’s preferences.

Let’s pretend that your twin children are friendly with a boy named Dylan. You could say to Dylan’s mother something like,

“I understand that Dylan might develop a preference for one of my twin children and that’s totally okay. In fact, that’s natural and I would expect it to happen. I want you to feel comfortable coming to me with that information, or any discussion about our children’s relationships. I am more than happy to set up play dates that involve Dylan and his preferred playmate.”

3. Enroll Your Kids in Different Activities

Does one child prefer gymnastics while another prefers dance? Does one child prefer to play the piano while the other prefers to play soccer? When your kids are young, explore different options with them to find out which (different) activities work for each child. These classes will enable your kids to develop bonds with other children outside of the family.

I know you’re hating me right now because this suggestion also requires you to drive all across your city and, worse, to coordinate varying class and game schedules. Again, you may need to be creative about carpooling or enlisting family members to help.

None of this is easy, but it’s worth it. Kind of like raising children in general, right? 🙂