What happens to a person when his twin sibling dies?

There is an area of research measuring the loss and grief suffered by twins when their twin siblings die. Identical twins tend to suffer more greatly than fraternal twins, but both sets generally feel a greater sense of grief than their non-twin counterparts do when they lose a sibling or close family member. Twins also suffer more acutely when their co-twins die than when they experience the loss of any other family relative or friend, with the exception of a partner or spouse.

Identity Issues

Twins who lose one another have the burden that others undergo with a significant loss: the redefining of oneself. For instance, a woman who has lost her husband of 50 years has to redefine herself. She is no longer a married woman; she is no longer “John’s wife.” Twins, too, have to figure out how to define oneself in the absence of one’s twin. Am I still a twin…? It could be argued that twins might have it harder than the bereaved spouse: whereas the spouse can recall a time when she was not “John’s wife,” the twin has only ever known what it is like to be a twin with a living twin sibling.

Loss, in Real Life

Identical twins Cody and Teddi were best friends throughout childhood and young adulthood. For their entire lives, they spoke to each other at least once or twice a day. “We always spoke to each other right before bed, too, if for no other reason than to say good night to each other. Sometimes that call would be at 3 in the morning, but it was always just understood that she would be the last person I spoke to before going to sleep.” When they were in their twenties, Teddi was tragically killed in a car accident. Upon learning of her sister’s death, Cody reported that her first thought was, “How am I supposed to live without her?” Cody was in grief-stricken disbelief because she couldn’t conceptualize how she could “go every day without hearing her voice.” Cody attributes her healing to, instead of talking to Teddi every day, talking about her and keeping her memory alive.

In my book (manuscript), Twinsight, I share more stories and sentiments of twins who lost their co-twins, what they learned from the traumatic experience, and what ultimately led to their paths of healing.